Two nights before Study Week began, my subconscious tormented me with a cacophony of every teaching-related nightmare known to those of us who ply that trade: I was running late to class, I’d gotten my schedule mixed up, I’d neglected to don clothes that morning, I’d dropped the calculus tests in a mud puddle, I’d forgotten to photocopy the probability quizzes, and on top of all that, my students had staged a coup and as a result I was about to be replaced by the Nice Teacher. At three in the morning, I bolted upright gasping for air, and when my heart finally stopped racing, I said aloud to an empty room: “I need exactly one week off.”"I just returned from a lovely vacation south of the border, and I’m really looking forward to returning to class tomorrow.”Still to come, from the requested posts: I’ve got #3 on draft mode, and I should have it finished tomorrow when I’m less tired; I’ve got a really doozy of a #5 for you (starring the hungry hungry student), #2’s good to go, pretty much; no one cares about #1, and when I can think of a way to present #4 in such a way that depicts my twelve-year-old self as funny-pathetic, rather than just pathetic-pathetic, y’all’ll be the first to know.

Tomorrow’s the last day of classes before a week-long break, and not a moment too soon: while “brink of insanity” doesn’t quite characterise my present state, it would a week hence if I had to teach and hold office hours next week. Well, technically, the latter is required of me: a few weeks ago, the dean sent an all-staff email telling us that this was Study Week, thankyouverymuch, and that we were to be accessible to our students, who would be on campus availing themselves of our services each and every day, as opposed to skiing or going to Cancun. Fortunately, the tutorial centre is open, and the powers that be in the department seem to subscribe to a don’t-ask-don’t-tell Study Week vacation policy. Not that I’m keeping any secrets, and part of me almost wants to be discovered so that I can counter, “Yeah, I was out of town; what are you gonna do, huh – FIRE ME?”"(My contract, for those of you just tuning in, expires in April. I blog pseudonymously in part because I’m still in the job market and I figure that no one in the Lower Mainland is explicitly looking to hire a twentysomething curmudgeon as a college instructor. That said – is anyone in the Lower Mainland looking to hire a twentysomething curmudgeon as a college instructor? Email me – moebiusstripper at talldarkandmysterious dot ca – if you are.)”Anyway, bottom line: I need the break. I’m exhausted – too exhausted to even crack wise about the source of my exhaustion right now (summary: the students), so I’m going to take a break from this space for the next week as well, even though I have several posts that I want to write and simply don’t have the energy for. And so, I leave a week’s worth of narcissism here in the interim, by turning the topic of my next post over to you.”Your options: 1. Reflections on Hotel Rwanda 2. A short story I submitted to the Vinyl Cafe Story Exchange” 3. Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Setting Math Tests, I Learned From My Five-Year-Old Self” 4. The Time I Was A Bridesmaid For My Aunt’s Wedding, and No, Aunt J, I Still Haven’t Forgiven You For That Dress” 5. Snark About Students: The Saga Continues”Also: if anyone I know in real life wants to try their hand at the guest-blogging thang, drop me a line.”See you in March.