Tall, Dark, and Mysterious


The Canadian military: officially irrelevant

File under: Home And Native Land, I Read The News Today, Oh Boy. Posted by Moebius Stripper at 5:16 pm.

Ooh, lookie here, it’s another disputed island. This time we’re duking it out with Denmark:

Defence Minister Bill Graham says Canada will assert its sovereignty over Hans Island in response to a letter of protest from the Danish government.

…There is concern that global warming has made the Northwest Passage more accessible to shipping and Graham says Canada needs to act.

…The United States, for example, still considers [the Arctic waters] to be international waters.

Yo, Bill: The country with the largest military in the developed world is claiming that the water surrounding Baffin Island is as much theirs as ours, and we’re all worked up over Denmark claiming a land mass that’s half a square mile in area? (ETA: you want your threat to national sovereignty? I got your threat to national sovereignty right here.)

So much to make fun of in this story, so little time at the library computers. For instance:

Graham was not clear on exactly how Canada will assert its sovereignty without the equipment to keep foreign vessels out of Canadian waters.

Um, we’re Canadian. And we’re dealing with Denmark. We’ll ask nicely?

And: the battle of the Google ads!

Toronto resident Rick Broadhead googled the matter and found an ad that touted Hans Island as Danish. “Does Hans sound Canadian? Danish name, Danish island.”

Oh, spare me the parochialism of Western Europe. What the hell does a homogeneous nation know about these things? Galiano Island has an Italian name, but unless it migrates out of the Georgia Strait, it’s ours for keeps. And are you going to point at us and laugh at our funny place names like Ottawa and Manitoulin Island which sound funny and not-English? I mean, kindly do school us, Denmark, on what “sounds” Canadian, will you? We’re how many of us immigrants or first-generation, who fled countries like yours? Because, in part, we have a less narrow view of what it means to be from “around here”?

Idiots. Watch this one totally not get resolved.


  1. I think the funniest part of the story was the passive aggressive burying of booze for nationalistic pride.

    - Jen — 7/29/2005 @ 11:35 pm

  2. Well vikings kicks ass… nuke the damn thing before we find or helmets and plunder and rape once again… rofl… does it really matter i support the “Hans Island Liberation Revolution” it should have it’s own gorvement of arabic islamists :D Osama where are you hiding

    - Spearo — 7/30/2005 @ 4:48 am

  3. Spearo - not on Hans Island, that’s for sure.

    Jen - oh, god, I totally missed that one the first time. But I’m pretty sure that the pastry boycott ain’t gonna fly - certainly not for a tiny, uninhabited chunk of the Arctic.

    - Moebius Stripper — 7/30/2005 @ 1:03 pm

  4. Really… are you sure? Maybe he’s camoflaged as a rock.

    - meep — 7/30/2005 @ 1:20 pm

  5. Weekend Edition: Battle For Hans Island Spreads from Google to Blogosphere: Concern Mounting at the UN

    Independent Sources’ A Senior Administration Official noted “Hans Island, if unchecked, could be the next Falklands, Gibraltar, or Kurile.” The crisis started out as they always do, a minor territorial dispute largely un-noticed…

    - Independent Sources — 7/31/2005 @ 6:07 pm

  6. “If we manage to reach the island, we will hoist a new Danish flag. We’re trying to change the flags as often as possible because they are quickly torn apart by the strong winds,”

    …“As it looks now, the ice situation may not allow us to reach the island. But we will try to get as far north as possible,”

    This is what Canada’s military is unable to compete with.

    - Moebius Stripper — 8/4/2005 @ 4:30 pm

  7. There are Vikings living in Canada too I suggest the Dane Vikings dont get to cocky

    - Asvard Istvansson — 8/8/2005 @ 8:30 pm

  8. This reminds me of the old Eddie Izzard routine: “Have you got a flag?”

    - meep — 8/9/2005 @ 6:18 am

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