Tall, Dark, and Mysterious


US-centricism starts early.

File under: Home And Native Land, What I Did On My Summer Vacation. Posted by Moebius Stripper at 8:46 am.

I have this partially-written screed about how my country’s top politicians wouldn’t recognize strategy if it waited for a break in the conversation and said, “Hi, I’m strategy, pleased to make your acquaintance. I’d like to talk with you, you know, when you have a chance.” (This, after all, is Canada, where even concepts would possess neither the temerity to hit people on the head nor the lack of coordination to get tripped over, were one to anthropomorphise them.) These past few days, however, I’ve been sharing a residence - south of the 49th - with two children under the age of two, and my facility with polysyllabic words has suffered noticeably in the interim. Maybe if I had kids of my own I could transition seamlessly between congent political commentary and squeaky-voiced declarations of “Bay-bee! Baaaaaaayyyyy-bee! WHERE’S THE BABY??? Ye-e-e-esss!”, but I don’t. Besides, there are more pressing concerns than the former, anyway: while I was writing the first half of this paragraph, I was enlisted by Baby the Elder for help with “nana in a bowl, peez”, “up peez”, and “Doctor-Sooss! ABC book. Peeez?” And, what could I do? She did ask nicely.

Nevertheless, TD&M headquarters is temporarily begging off all alphabet-related duties after yesterday’s incident. We got through the first twenty-five letters without any problems, with BtE easily identifying the various letters and pictures (”a-poh”, “i-cream”, “fower”); but the story culminated on a sour note. “NO!” she screamed at the last page, and turned to face me. “It’s ZEE,” she informed me. I tried to explain that some things could have more than one name (”like these, see? You can call them steps. Or, you can call them stairs“), but she would hear none of it. “ZEE,” she insisted.

I totally lost that one.