Tall, Dark, and Mysterious

8/9/2004

World events, according to some guy on the radio and the people who call him

File under: Character Writ Large, I Read The News Today, Oh Boy. Posted by Moebius Stripper at 9:48 pm.

Because the music on the local radio stations is almost uniformly terrible I’ve never been known for my ability to turn away from a train wreck, I’ve been listening to Lars Larson, a radio gadfly with, as far I can tell, no qualifications for hosting a national talk show other than a reasonably pleasant and fluid speaking voice, and an ability to spin controversy out of nothing whatsoever. A few weeks ago, a caller phoned in with the REAL FACTS about the Kerry campaign. To wit: Kerry has prostate cancer. He is planning to drop out of the race in a few months, either just before or just after he’s elected. This will promote Edwards to the post of President, leaving the VP spot open to the person who really controls the Democratic Party - Hillary Clinton. The caller had no references, of course, because this is the sort of thing that the liberal media - that is, everything from Indymedia to CNN to Fox News - is afraid to report. “Interesting, very interesting,” commented Lars, and then a big discussion ensued - would Hillary, wondered the host and his caller, settle for being second in command - or would she find some way to oust Edwards? Or at least become the de facto President, if not the official one? In any case, something to think about, since - and I quote - surely the majority of Americans SHUDDER AT THE THOUGHT of another four years of living under the iron fist of Hillary Clinton.

Today’s topic was the release of Mary Kay Letourneau, the sixth grade teacher famous (and jailed) for bearing two children by a former student of hers. In Larson’s universe, nearly everyone in the country - particularly the Democrats, the feminists, and the homosexuals - is A-OK with teacher-student sex, and only he and his small cadre of Repubican moral watchdogs have any problem with this whatsoever. At this point a 21 year old phoned in to bravely announce that HE TOO was against sixth grade teachers having sex with twelve year olds, and he and Lars had a grand old time, staking out their unique position opposing teacher-student sex in a society that, virtually in its entirety, supports it. This, I guess, was a nice follow-up to that episode a few days ago about that website that instructs married people in how to have affairs without their spouses knowing. Larson railed against this for some time - this is the poisonous effect of liberalism on America! Is nothing sacred? - until the other person on the show (not a caller, I don’t think; the reception was too clear) pointed out that the website was based in Canada.

Canada. With its communist medical system, decriminalized marijuana and marrying gays. And snow. But of course.

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